$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
