I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize