why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
