he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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