Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
