its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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