i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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