thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
