The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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