wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
