I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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