I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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