I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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