My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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