I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
