yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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