i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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