Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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