i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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