There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
