I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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