I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
