i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize