Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
