you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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