That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
