she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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