it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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