I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
