As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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