Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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