i think my tv is drunk
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
