the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize