I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
