I looked at my own cervix.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize