two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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