I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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