No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
