the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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