She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
