why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
