I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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