I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
