sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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