Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize