I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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