Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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