Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
did i just pee glitter
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
