Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
why do cheetos always look like penises
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
