if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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