did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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