it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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