So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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