I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
