so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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