Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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