if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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