What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
