I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
