I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
