went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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