it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
