You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
