She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
