forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
