Kiss
Puke
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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